because i am lonely for him, i thought i would share “our song…”
as some of you might notice, there are some posts now missing and a lot more posts being edited. i decided that i needed to get rid of some posts that had no relevance anymore or things that i just don’t want to have anyone read because those posts reflect badly upon me.
i hate losing pieces of my writing and life’s journey, but i think that its ok to say goodbye to a wrong chapter in my life.
its time to look toward the future and i look forward to sharing my journey with all of you!
<3 mrw
admittedly it has been a long time since ive last written…i mean actually have written, but the words have escaped me for the longest time.
the last that you’ve heard from me a lot of you thought that i was suicidal and maybe i was. when i posted that video i had so much uncertainty in my life. i finally realised that after 3 months of not having sunshine in my life that i was needing it more than i ever thought that i could.
through out all of my trials and tribulations ive grown so very much, ive discovered the joy of life and ive learned to believe in god again. someone once told me that god doesn’t give you more than you can handle, sometimes i question that, but when things get to be borderline i pray that much harder.
i met matthew almost 5 years ago (july the 5th will be our anniversary,) i fell in love with him almost immediately. at the time matt was a cute, but awkward looking 18 year old (he was very skinny, pale, had a soul patch and super spiky hair!) throughout our journey together we’ve shared so much joy and a lot of pain, but through out it all we had one thing…unconditional love. i can honestly tell you that NO ONE on this earth…not my parents, not my grandparents, NO ONE has loved me as much as matthew has. his mom once told me that he “thinks so highly of you.”
matt was there through everything…i did a lot of bad things to him, but god damn it…he was still there just loving me… unconditionally. in my mind, when he started to give me hell about something he was trying to hurt me, but now i understand that he wasn’t…he just loved me soooooo much that he didn’t want to lose me.
id like to say that the biggest mistake ive ever made was leaving matt in the first place, but it wasn’t…god gave me that opportunity to learn from my mistakes so that i could better love matt.
i thought about matthew every single day while we were apart…i always felt like something was missing, like a piece of me was gone. i wanted so badly to call him or email him or text him, but was afraid that he would tell me to “go fuck myself,” but i took that chance one night and what i got was nothing short of a miracle.
after a few emails back and forth we reconnected. yes, i will admit that it was awkward at first, but after a little while it was like nothing had changed at all…it was normal again. there is no better feeling that looking into his eyes and hearing him say “i love you” because he means it with all of his soul. i feel electricity when we kiss. i love to hold him tight when we sleep. i miss him even the second that i leave him.
for a while i was afraid that i wouldn’t be able to have him again . it was bad, the weekend that i was at my worst many of you thought that i was going to kill myself and the thought actually crossed my mind. a lot of you said that it was all going to be ok, you sat with me while i talked you ears off and cried to you…i will never be able to repay you all for your kindness!
matt, i know that you read this blog so i am going to take a minute to write directly to you now.
matthew, you are my “always and forever.” i will never lie to you, i will never mislead you, i will be your best friend, your lover, your soulmate for the rest of our lives…i promise you that.
countless people wish that they could have that second chance with their one true love…i am blessed beyond belief that i have been granted mine. YOU ARE MY ONE TRUE LOVE! i will never take that for granted ever again. i look at you and i see my future and i know that when you give me hell about something its not that you’re trying to hurt me its that you love me more than life itself…right?
i am sorry that i never wished you a happy birthday publicly, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOH BEAR! i can’t wait to grow old with you!
you’ve brought so much joy to my life, you’re the last thing i think about before i go to bed and the first thing that i think about when i wake up…even when im beside you for those moments. you’re constantly on my mind!
i have nothing to hide from you and this is my love letter for the entire world to see…
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART MATTHEW! thats the way it was, the way it is and the way that its always going to be!
you told me a couple of days ago that there are only two ways that this doesn’t last forever…neither of those will ever ever ever happen…i promise!
now to the rest of you loyal readers, let me pass along a piece of advice.
if you love someone, let them know it…
don’t ever let your true love go because you may regret it every day…
i was lucky…god has blessed me with a fresh start and matt…you are that missing piece to my soul. with you with me forever i am complete.
the words may have escaped me, but its not because they weren’t in my heart…i was too busy enjoy you to put them to a page…
i love you matt
and instead of my normal sign off i will leave you with this…
tell someone that you love them be it a parent, a best friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife because love is the greatest gift of all!
<3
on tuesday 2/17/09 taylor hicks premiered his new (and first) video for his new single “what’s right is right.”
ill be honest with all of you, when i first heard “what’s right is right” i wasn’t a big fan. my initial thought was that this shouldn’t have been a single off of anyones album let alone the man that i have followed soooo closely for almost three years now, but i gave it a chance and listened to it over and over one night when i couldn’t sleep. the end result was a song that i closely identify with in every way!
i connect with this song and i honestly believe that “connection” is what makes a song more than just a song. “connection” is what makes a song iconic in the eyes of those who love it. “connection” is why you hear a song played at the first dance of a wedding.
i connect with not only this song, but this artist. i sat in a sold out tavern two weeks ago and cried because i missed how he made me feel! im a twenty-eight year old man and i cried tears of joy listening to taylor hicks perform! that is an amazing connection for an artist to have with this audience.
“what’s right is right” is a love song plain and simple. its soft pop. its not your typical preprogramed…bubblegum…cookie cutter pop song and in today’s music scene that is very very refreshing!
ive shared this song with a lot of people (most of which can’t be counted as fans) and every one of them has come back to me saying that they love it! listen to it or watch the video a couple of times and i can say pretty certainly that it will stick with you. you’ll find yourself humming it or whistling the chorus.
the new album “the distance” will drop on march 10th and if you’re a fan of real music (you know, the way music used before the britneys and justins took over the radio) pick it up and i promise that you won’t be disappointed.
Pre Order “The Distance” Here or Here
check out the new video for “What’s Right is Right” Here
thanks for reading and remember
its still all about the music…
its been a little bit since i brought you some good music, so check this out…
almost one week until i get the pleasure of being able to listen to this genius play again!
i really suck at this blogging thing!
some of you may be saying, “no you don’t silly head!”
some of you may be saying, ” i hope you die asshole!” although i don’t know why you’d be saying that just because i suck at blogging…thats a bit harsh!
why do you have to be soooooo damn mean?
you’re always soooooo critical! im only one man!!!!
whoa! where the hell did i go? i think i may have passed out there for a second and when i woke up i turned into an 8th grade girl
anyway…
im not very entertaining lately and for that i apologize. this past month or so has been very backwards for me. ive longed for a past that i tried to hold on to, but realistically i couldn’t. i have called it the “holiday blues,” but i have no idea if that is what was going on. sometimes i even scared myself with who i was becoming.
for a long time i was just going through the motions of life because i was comfortable. i didn’t want to admit that i was comfortable though because when you admit that you are comfortable and thats the only reason that you live the life that you live, you realize that you’re entire existence is a lie. that my readers is a tough pill to swallow!
when i looked at the past in a present setting…when the past stared at me straight in the eyes i understood that the past was great, but it was no longer comfortable like it once was.
i guess the moral of the story is that when you dwell too much on the past, you miss out on the beauty of the present and the promise of the future!
im sorry that i haven’t been more entertaining, but this is a phase that i think that i have to go through.
until next time…
you know what else makes me giggle like a little school girl?
lets list them, shall we?
- dubois (for those of you who aren’t from central PA, its pronounced “do boys”)
- pocahontas (it has the word poke in it!)
- mangini ( you know, the former new york jets and current cleveland browns head coach…i love a good “man genie!”)
- vagina (the mythical beast that lures a man in and eats him alive!)
- cock block
- tempurpedic
- midget sex
- sacagawea (cuz it is a “sack of gawea”)
get your minds out of the gutter perverts! Read More »
first off, happy new year to everyone out there in cyber space. i hope that you all are in for a healthy, happy, and prosperous 2009. Read More »
i am just about three and a half hours away from waking up for a fun filled day of work… Read More »
