first off, happy new year to everyone out there in cyber space. i hope that you all are in for a healthy, happy, and prosperous 2009.day one…yep, i am going to attempt to write once a day for a year. as i have said before, writing is therapeutic for me and let’s be honest…i can use as much therapy as i can get!

realistically though i am hoping to write around two hundred entries this year.

i have a lot of mixed emotions about this new year. on one hand i am optimistic about a fresh start . on the other hand i am finding that i am dwelling and yearning for the past.

ill be the first to admit that i am not a saint…quite the opposite. i have done a lot of bad things to a lot of good people in my life, people who didn’t deserve to be treated like shit. i regret screwing those people over more than anything…i wish that i could turn back time to save what i had, but i can’t. ive been trying to out run my mistakes, ive been trying to forget so i can move on with my life…i want nothing more than to forget!

 maybe i have taken the first step in putting distance between myself and  everything  that i have ever done wrong, i feel like ive killed a piece of myself though.

i want a fresh start.

every morning i wish that i didn’t wake up…i don’t want to feel like that any more!

all i can do is say that i am sorry, with all that i have in me, i am sorry!

forgiveness isn’t something that comes easy, i understand that, but i tried so hard to escape the past.

i know that i didn’t always handle things the right way, but i tried…

i miss what i was, i miss what i had and i am sorry…

with tears in my eyes i must look toward a better year, 2009…

i just hope that all is forgiven one day and how difficult that it is for this public display of vulnerability to be written.

*m*